I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
