i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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