i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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