I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
