he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
