The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
