Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize