Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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