i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
