Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
