there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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