Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
