I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize