My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize