I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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