He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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