Got a toothbrush?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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