hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
