We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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