I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
