I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
