There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
