My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
