We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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