remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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