did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
