i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
