he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
