shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
