Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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