just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
