I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
