I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize