i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
