I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
