like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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