so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
