Your mouth is God's brothel.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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