I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
