fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
