You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
