You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
