No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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