Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
