Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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