I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
