It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
