I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I am morally bankrupt
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize