It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
