What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
