Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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