i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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