Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's get the cat blown out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
