I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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