i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
