This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
