There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
